Excerpted from a post by Ashana that resonated with me:
…I’m also realizing that this points to a need to change my sense of what the goal of all of this needs to be: it is not to feel any particular way. It isn’t to feel good about myself or about my life. It isn’t to feel hopeful. The goal is to be able to accept what is.
I need to mourn my losses. I need to be able to cope with the extreme feelings that torture has left me with. These needs are not temporary. They are not stages to be rushed through in order to get to the other side into some kind of wonderful, better, fully healed life. They are what I may always need to do.
My feelings may become less intense over time. They may not. They may become less intense, but only after years or decades. Certainly, they will not become less intense next week or even next month and probably not next year. In the meantime, I will need to spend a lot of time just being with them.
So, if everything I do is organized around that mystical point in the future when all of the problems caused by my childhood torture disappear, I will be missing out on most of my life. I will be endlessly disappointed—and I have been endlessly disappointed—that contentment or happiness in the present does not indicate contentment or happiness will continue on into the future.
The change I most need is not in all of these other things. It is not in the flashbacks or in the grief. The change I most need is to be able to live with them, to accept them, and to cope with them. I don’t mean that the problems I have will become easy for me to deal with. I mean only that I will be able to get through the day. I mean, although my feelings are terrible, I can have them.